Remember how I said I'd break before I'd cry?
Here it comes. I can feel it in the way I choke on my tears.
I updated my mom and dad on the evaluation and while at the time I was outwardly calm, they kept saying, "Calm down, it'll work out". I was repeating back to them, "I'm fine".
They both said, "I know how you are, Rae."
Yes. I'm holding it in. No, it's not easy. Yes, I want to cry. No, I will not let myself.
Today, all I could do was watch him play. I can't help but look at it differently now. Whereas I thought he just liked to play by himself because that's WHO he is, there's a possibility it's because of WHAT he is.
These habits that I thought were his own? That made my little guy, Dylan - Dylan... are they now a part of this label? There's a possibility it's not of his own choice. My heart breaks.
My chin quivers. I will not cry.
I enjoy who I am.
- Rae
- A little bit of everywhere
- I'm a SAHM who enjoys photography, video games, reading, writing, animals, and music. I'm outspoken, and sometimes my opinions or views can be quite off the wall. But they are mine, and mine alone. I shall not filter my thoughts, as that would be taking away from who I am. There's a good possibility I may offend you.
1 comment:
oh,hun!! It's perfectly ok to let go...good for you even. Cry!!
Have you read Janny Mcarthys book about her son?It talks about her going through the exact feelings you are...I haven't read it but it 'sposed to be a really good read on the subject.
Your son is still your son,always has been always will be.A label won't/doesn't change anything.You will love him for everything about him.
Think about it this way- Say your kid has blue eyes,and every morning you gush over how much you love their blue eyes..
and one day someone tell you their blue eyes are actually a defect of pigment(which is what blue eyes are funnily enough)--- does it make you love them and their blue eyes less?? no.
..
but anyway, let it out. It does you no good to bottle it up until you are raw on the inside.
You are a great mommy- which has nothing to do with anything,but I thought you should know.
GREAT party pics BTW! Looks like an awesome time.I'd comment both,but I am lazy,and already blabbed on more than intended.
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