So it's meez!

Only boring people get bored.

I don't know if there's any truth to that statement, but damn I'm bored right now.

Laundry is going, house work is done, kids are napping - so there's not much for me to do. It's cloudy off and on or I'd be outside laying out and trying to get some color, but the weather is not permitting.

I have learned a few new things about myself, that I -gasp!- never knew. Apparently, I'm a bitch, I'm a bully, I'm whiny, I'm annoying, and I'm fake.

I can take whiny. Especially lately, I've been dealing with some pretty hardcore shit. I mean, facing the possibility of autism can shake anyone's world a bit.

But the others, oh - the poor soul who said that to me has no idea I'm laughing uproariously at her. I found it all quite funny. If it had been a irl situation, I would have been making faces, much like an 8 year old would do when they're being given a stern talking-to. Or at least stifling laughter and trying to keep a straight face! I'm immature like that. I'll admit that one, too.

Spinning off from the above - isn't it funny how the internet can give someone the freedom to act out like they'd never do irl? I mean, people suddenly have e-balls! I can't honestly see some of these people walking around talking/acting the way they do online, because let's face it - you'd probably get the shit stomped out of you.

I'm not condoning violence at all, but some people have no qualms about using it, especially when they've gotten someone in their face yapping like a high-strung poodle who pisses itself every time it gets overly excited.

Or! Those who come online to find sexual experiences they'd never dare to seek within real life.

Do you think the internet gives one freedom to do as they please, or provides a place to don a fake persona and act like something they would never dare to in real life?

Why do people waste their breath online? I mean, really - what did the above person seek to do by saying those things to me? Can they honestly think I give a rat's ass about their opinion of me?

Someone who I have never met, and never will meet. Who will never have any long-lasting impression upon my life. They are of no significance to me.

It just goes to show, how much people give a fuck about others who don't give two shits about them. I don't get it. Why?

The moral of the story is this: I know many of you deal with the same thing. I'm using my example to express my feelings about these situations. It's not that important. Don't waste your time, as they are doing by spewing ignorant bullshit that goes in one ear and out the other.

It's only a bunch of keystrokes, after all.

Waiting game...

I'm waiting for the kids to fall asleep for their nap so I can go relax in the sun for a little bit. I've got my mp3 player, suntan lotion, Blackberry, water, lounge chair, and towel ready to go.

Then when they get up - we get in their play pool! :)

Don't forget CF Husband

Just reminding everyone to keep reading this powerful journey.

Nate's blog can be found here.

Winning the war!

With the fruit flies, that is!

I'm pretty sure (and very hopeful) that I have won.

Before I used to keep my fruit (like apples, tangerines, bananas) out. Well, for some reason we had a really bad influx of fruit flies. I was desperate to get rid of them. I created several traps (made from baby food jars and vinegar, and one w/ a plastic cup, saran wrap, and ripe banana). It seemed like there was no end to them.

I became so obsessive I would stand there with a fly swatter or spray, and just attack, attack, attack! I bleached my countertops and table daily, and began keeping fruit in the fridge. I also bleached my sinks nightly.

Then, when it seemed like they were at their worst - I burned incense in two places where they were the worst, and two days later, they are gone.

I'm not sure if I can contribute it to the incense, or if it was my determination to get rid of them. I bleached my garbage can, dishes were immediately washed and dried, and put away. I sprayed Lysol all over the place.

Many of my friends who have visited my home make comments on how clean it is, and they wonder how I do it with 3 kids, and Kenny. :P It's not easy, but I CANNOT STAND filth.

If you thought my house was clean before, you should see it now. It's insane. I could lick my countertops.

So, take that you nasty ass fruit flies!

Flower power

Farmer Dylan

Meeko!

Kitties like flowers, too.

Before:

After!

Bug's lunch

Blackberry

Crushcrushcrush

I got a few things on my list done...

The bathroom is done for the most part. I bought a new shower curtain and rugs. I like it much more. All that needs done now is a few tiles replaced, and the underside of the sink cleaned out of stuff we no longer use.

Kitchen is DONE, completely. Except for mopping which I'll do tonight after the kids are in bed. I do love a clean house.

Laundry is also done for the most part. just Kenny's work shirts, and the kids' sheets tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll be pulling the rest of the blinds down and washing them, and cleaning the windows. I need to wash my curtains, too. They're black, and Meeko's hair is on them. Ick.

Our friends are coming over tomorrow for a BBQ. Jimmy is in town from Japan (he and his wife are in the navy and stationed there) so we're gonna hang out while we can. I get to see sweet Bubba again. Bubba is Kenny's friend, who I met at Steven's wedding.

He is such a sweet guy, and he's damn lucky I'm married or I'd be all over him like melted butter on a biscuit. He's like a big teddy bear! Love him! He offered to dance with my fat, waddling ass when I was 8mos pregnant with Marissa.

I'll be sure to get pictures. We need the memories.

Weekend To Do Me list.

Ha! Here's what I've got:

• Win the battle with the damn fruit flies.
  
• Clean out cabinets and ontop of counter - then bleach. Clean out underneath sink.
  
• Pull blinds down and bleach 'em, then windex all windows
  
• Wash curtains
• Bleach bathroom, including cabinets. Also, clean out underneath sink.
• Dust. everything.
• Wash all sheets.
• Consolidate packed boxes and storage stuff.
• Wipe down walls.
  
• Vacuum, sweep, mop.
• Disinfect toys.
• Cut grass.
• Tidy up garden.
  
• Minor grocery shopping.
• Then on Sunday, hang out with some good friends. :)

It should be a nice weekend, and I'll have a nice, clean house.

Photos of Natalie...

Got a hair up my butt. I need to get some of Marissa and Dylan now. I'll attempt that this weekend when we go to the lake/park.

I want it...

I need it.

I Yahoo'd! Myself

So it's not exactly googling, and I didn't exactly Yahoo MY name.

But I did Yahoo a handle I've been known to use (although I haven't used it in the past few years - I've just started to reuse it again). Ferox Femina. It's latin for Wild Woman. As I was saying, I Yahoo'd it and came across a BLOG using Ferox Femina as it's url.

My panties are in a twist I tell you. Ok, not really as I have no ownership to the handle, but I thought it was funny! I could use the funnies right now.

I don't want no kit-kat - I want a break!

Oi. Why can't good news be just that? Good news.

Why does it have to be a Good News Cake, with Bad News Icing?

We're supposed to be moving, as soon as we get the word from ITT in Fort Bragg, NC. They're having to work out the kinks with the proposal, resubmit it, then hopefully we'll be on our way.

Initially, my Dad was going to purchase a house, and rent it out to us so we could either save up for our own, or buy it from him and my step-mother. Well, Dad has to have back surgery in a few weeks so now we'll have to put off buying a house. It'll make things tougher, but we can still manage.

It's just the matter of hearing the word, "Go!"

My landlady is driving me APESHIT. I'm trying to be understand, but now it's gotten to the point where I want to lop off her head. Ever since she caught word we were planning on moving she's been bugging the absolute shit out of us. We didn't even tell her we were moving! We hadn't given her our 30 day notice yet, either.

Her brother, a crackhead, lives down a few houses told her we were moving in 2 weeks (keep in mind this was more than a month ago) and so LandLady has been calling every few days asking the same. damn. question.

"Are you moving, yet?"

No, LandLady. As soon as we hear something, I'll let you know. This is the same thing, over, and over. every few days. She even stopped by unannounced and asked me, then called 2 days later and asked the same thing! Landlady also called my sis in law and asked her if she knew when we were moving.

She already has people set up to move in, and wants us out. Sorry, you get your rent on time, and we haven't given our 30 day notice, yet.

LandLady's brother (who we'll call Crackhead for future reference) has issues, too. He gets on my bloody nerves, and has made me very uncomfortable from the get-go. He comes over asking to borrow a lot of things. Like our BBQ pit (which is huge, and cannot be carried), money, cigs, a FLAT tire (he doesn't even have a truck!).

I've also caught him loitering outside our house a few times, too - waiting on us to get home. While we were in Ohio, SIL came over to take care of Meeko, the cat. On her way out, Crackhead flagged her down and asked when we would be back.

Just recently, he happened to know a friend of SIL's who was having a birthday bash. He showed up, got drunk, and then said he was going to go buy some crack. :( I told Kenny and SIL, the guy better not ever show his face at my door again. I do not want that sort of crap around my family.

*Deep, calming breath* Yesterday evening was nice. Kenny surprised me AGAIN! He brought home strawberry cheesecake, and a nice, large jewelry box for me. It was very sweet. I do have such a sweet, and handsome husband. Be jealous! :)

After Dylan's second evaluation, I keep finding myself looking at him differently. I love him, he's still my Dylwhen, don't get me wrong. Just things like him wanting his hands clean when they are already clean, his hand flapping (he has one hand palm open, and with his right hand, he uses his pointer finger to stab frantically at his left when he gets excited).

I'm eager to begin his therapy, and see an improvement so I can easily pass this all off as being just behind, and nothing more.

Marissa had a fever for a few days, then yesterday morning I get her up and she's covered in spot! My polka-dotted Roo baby. I was informed this is most likely a simple virus known as Roseola. She's fine, if not a bit grumpy.

Natalie keeps improving with her letters, but not with her attitude. She's got the Culley cajun temper.

I picked up "The Other Boleyn Girl" Sunday and finished it around midnight last night. It was a beautiful read, and I could barely put it down. I caught myself thinking about it all the time. I really enjoyed it. I think I'll pick up more of the author's work.

Roo's spots!

My bEARTHday.

April 22nd, 1984. It was Easter and Earth Day. A fitting entrance into the world if I do say so myself.

Are you celebrating Earth Day? I hope so. I hope with the passing days, we ALL continue to try and better our Earth, and be more environmentally aware. Obviously, this doesn't mean rush out and buy a Hybrid, but hell - if you can, do it!

There are other, smaller things that can make a big difference. Recycle.You can help reduce pollution just by putting that soda can in a different bin. If you're trying to choose between two products, pick the one with the least packaging. If an office building of 7,000 workers recycled all of its office paper waste for a year, it would be the equivalent of taking almost 400 cars off the road.

Re-use shopping bags, or even buy cloth bags to carry your groceries in. Ditch buying bottled water and invest in good water bottle and a water filter. You could also cloth diaper. Cloth diapering is not like our Grandmother's cloth diapers of yesteryear. You'd be surprised how hip they are now.

Don't run the water as you wash dishes, or brush your teeth. Got a leaky toilet? You might be wasting 200 gallons of water a day. Wash your clothes in cold water when possible. Turn off the lights when they aren't being used.

Leave your car at home. If you can stay off the road just two days a week, you'll reduce greenhouse gas emissions by an average of 1,590 pounds per year.

Change your light bulbs. Compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs) last 10 times longer than a standard bulb and use at least two-thirds less energy. If you're shopping for new appliances or even home electronics, look for ENERGY STAR products, which have met EPA and U.S. Department of Energy guidelines for energy efficiency. In 2006, the ENERGY STAR program saved energy equivalent to taking 25 million cars off the road and saved Americans $14 billion in utility costs.

There are also fun activities you can do with your kiddos, to encourage them to learn about the Earth, and to be Earth friendly, as well. Plant some flowers or trees, have a "Clean the neighborhood" party, make a compost pile. Reducing the amount of solid waste you produce in a year means taking up less space in landfills, so your tax dollars can work somewhere else. Plus, compost makes a great natural fertilizer. Composting is easier than you think.

I constantly get asked, "Since you were born on Earth Day do/are you Earth friendly?"

Sadly, no. There's so much more that I can be doing, that all of us can be doing but some of us do have limitations. I wish I could do more. Perhaps, one day - I'll be able to.

We take our Earth for granted.

Dylan's Evaluation, Part 2.

Today the Intake lady and a Occupation Therapist came out to meet with Dylan again, and do something that involves 5 subtests, called the DAYC. It determines whether he is delayed or not, and how much, if any, he is delayed.

They begin by asking questions and interacting with him based on his age, and then "grade" him. It's all very confusing, so I'm trying to explain it the best I can.

This visit didn't go well, either.

He failed 4 of the 5 subtests, in which one he seems particularly far behind (Adaptive). He was 6mos or more behind in those 4, and he "passed" in Social-emotional. So on that note, they concluded we qualify for intervention.

Next week we do an RBI, which is where they interview me after I pay special attention to our routine day, and I give as much detail to them as possible. Then we begin discussing our strategies to help him.

It's all very frustrating, because I hear them hinting their concerns but they won't tell me what is up besides what he's "failing". The more I'm supposed to know, I feel like the more I don't know.

It sounds horrible, but I want a clear definition of what I'm dealing with. I think it's because if I hear a label, I can face it quicker. I hate the unknown. Especially because I keep getting told "He's delayed in so-and-so" without a reason WHY he is.

Not so free time!

I chickened out on leaving Marissa with SIL, especially since Marissa had been feeling crummy due to teething (at least, that's what we think we're dealing with.

We went to Barnes and Nobles, and I got "The Other Boleyn Girl". I had started to read it before but never finished it! I also bought some scented oil in Lilac, Honeysuckle, Rain, and Orgasm. Yes. Orgasm. I also bought a oil burner but Kenny dropped the bag when he went to pay for his shirts, and broke it. HA!

I ate blackened chicken to hold me until supper, and bought some cookies. We walked around for a little bit and then finally left to go pick up Natalie at SIL's.

We show up at SIL's and we see that MIL and Kenny's Aunt Judy are there. Kenny says, "Wow, mom is here, too?" I didn't think anything of it, and commented that it was most likely due to his Aunt being in town (she's staying with Kenny's sister).

I grab his Aunt's suitcase to help her carry it in, and...

SURPRISE.

There was MIL, SIL, Natalie, and Dylan singing Happy Birthday to me! Oh, it was a sweet surprise! MIL had attempted to make my favorite cake (which is a $45 cake from Rinaldo's in dayton, OH). It was a 3-layer strawberry cake w/ real strawberry and coolwhip topping. DELICIOUS.

We all had a piece. It was such a nice day.

Thank you to my darling husband, who planned this all to make it special for me. Thank you to my SIL and MIL for helping me, and thank you to my kids and their sweet voices.

Let me just say I'm burning my Orgasm oil and wearing a pink nightie for Kenny, tonight. ;)

A little bit o' free time...

Today, Kenny planned a few hours just for us.

Natalie and Marissa are going to SIL, and Dylan is going to MIL. I've never left Marissa, and I do worry a little bit about how she'll do. We're taking them over after they've waken up from their nap. I'll nurse Marissa right before we leave, but I've also got some breastmilk defrosting for her, as well.

If she takes it from a bottle, that is. She's never had a bottle. She'll most likely be fine, though - as we only plan to go to a book store and visit the mall.

It's nothing special to anyone else, maybe - but keep in mind I NEVER have time to myself like this.

This is pretty much the extent of a birthday celebration for me. :)

It's gettin' hot in here...

Marissa has had a fever since yesterday. She's been in a pretty good mood despit it, though. Up until now that is.

We took her grocery shopping with us earlier and she seemed fine, but once we got home I could start to feel her heating back up. I laid her down w/o Tylenol, but when she woke up she was crying and very red. I could feel the heat thru her light dress and my two tank tops.

I take her temp and it's 102* from the ear. :( She's breathing faster than normal, and is so lethargic. She's actually back asleep on my chest/tummy now, with a cool wash rag on her back.

My poor baby! Even though I've done this several times, I still get dumb-struck as to what to do.

I just want to take whatever it is and make it my own.

Straight up gangsta

I would fear for my life, if I encountered this kid on a dark street. He's so gangsta.

I got flowers!

This doesn't happen often!

To the senders; ya'll are the best ever! I love you!

A confession...

I haven't been doing my crunches as I should. Give me hell for it.

PLEASE. So that I may get back on track. Really. Box my ears, curse me, call me dirty names. Do it anon if you have to. Just do it. So I can turn around and show you my tightened tummy later and stick my tongue out at you.

Because I'm incredibly immature (and dramatic) that way. :)

WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

This is so our family. Kenny says the person at 1:36 (in the background) screaming is me. It's pretty damn funny.

The Next Chapter

They weren't joking when they said they wanted a OT out here, asap.

On Monday, DS will be officially evaluated, and from my understanding, we'll either be able to say "Nothing's wrong" or we'll have a diagnosis of some sort.

The day before my birthday. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony. I suppose I'll figure it out at the end of that day.

Not in a good mood.

Forgive me if I'm snappy.

I have a lot of shit going on, and I'm tired of dealing with it all.

Unrelated to the above, my Dad is attempting to buy investment property in Sanford, NC. To begin with, we'll most likely rent it as we save up to either a) buy it directly from him or b) buy a house of our own.

There was one house we all really liked in a great neighborhood. Dad and PJ scheduled a visit and went to see it, but the agent never showed up. Dad finally called him and the guy informs my Dad the house was under contract. Nice job, asswipe. So stand up potential, future clients. That's real good for business.

I've been doing some (almost) daily searching/hunting and have found a few potential houses. Dad seemed to like one I picked out so he contacted the real estate it's listed with. I hope all goes well with this one.

We're just waiting on word right now, for when they want Kenny to come and work. He misses that job, and he said it was biggest regret to leave it.

I'm getting tired of his family trying to pressure us to stay here. This is Kenny's choice, and I support him 100%. Plus, it's a big jump in pay, so when they ask, "Is it worth it?" I just shut my mouth. Of course, it's worth it. It's a HUGE pay difference. He hates his current job, they treat him like crap.

For instance, he's been driving OUR vehicle 150mi a day right now (that's total mileage) to a job site. I thought this was fishy, without them offering to pay for the gas, or any other upkeep on our van. Turns out, they were supposed to be paying him for each mile he had to travel with his own vehicle.

What. the. fuck. Kenny, since working there - I know for a FUCKING fact has traveled over 1k miles for them (and that's just in the past 3mos), and we're just NOW learning about this. Fucking bullshit. I told Kenny he needs to see about getting back-pay for it - but he said if it's too much trouble he's not going to press his luck. It's really shitty and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind when Kenny's 2 week notice is up, when we get ready to move.

I want to move, now.

When we do finally do this, I'll be going to Ohio for about a month while Kenny begins to work, and gets everything settled. It'll be rough being away from him for that long, especially with the kids - but at least I'll have my family and friends in OH to help during this time.

I've just really not been in a good mood of late. It's going to sound incredibly immature, but I feel like an annoyance to people I care about, or I'm just "there". I don't know if this makes sense, or whatnot and I'm not trying to say, "Pay attention to me" but this is just the funk I feel, I suppose.

It's most likely all in my mind, combined with the lack of sleep, moving induced stress, and the worry over Dylan.

Take one - action!

So, I got my Crackberry and I have been having a lot of fun (and frustration) learning how to use it. Thankfully I know a great place to get questions answered. The people at Crackberry forums have been so helpful!

I have it set up pretty nicely now, and am using some of my fave stuff to make it my own. I see why they call them Crackberries.

I bet you wouldn't even know I'm posting from my Blackberry right this second.

Does this make me a crackhead?

A week after my birthday...

It's not even my birthday yet and I'm already thinking of the week after!

Paramore is coming to Houston on April 29th! There's no way to get tickets to this private show, but you can win them from 94.5 The Buzz, here in Houston. I entered to win. Man!

That'd be a dream come true, and the bestestest birthday present ever! To be able to go see one of my favorite bands, without kids, for at least a couple hours - awesome!

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. So much, in fact - that I've never really had any time away from them. Marissa has never left my side, and I have yet to have a "date" with Kenny or the like, without at least one of our children.

To be able to go to this concert would be like a bird spreading it's wings for the first time. I'll be able to lose myself in the music, and just be ME for a few hours. Me, without the Mommy label.

I do love my Mommy title, but it's nice to shed that skin every once in a while.

Keep your fingers crossed that I win. If I win, I'll rent an amazing zoom lens to get some awesome photos!

What a great weekend!

Despite my running thoughts and concerns, it was a great weekend.

Friday night Dylan went and stayed with Nana, and the girls, Kenny, and I made a late run to Walmart to get a few missed things for Natalie's party. We came home, watched TV together, and then went to bed.

We had Natalie's party on Saturday, and I'm so happy that everyone had a good time. That was her first real party. I remember when I threw her 2 year old party, a lot of people were supposed to show up and no one ever did. thank god she didn't understand, but I did.

I actually cut off a few friendships after that (there's more to the story, but yeah).

Back on track, Sunday we woke up and made breakfast and lazied around the house the entire day. We had left-overs for dinner, and Kenny just totally made me relax!

It was really nice, he took care of everything. Getting the kids bathed, and into bed.

Then later, I go into our bedroom to find candles lit, incense burning, and he had also laid out his favorite babydoll shirt and had me put it on. I got a nice back rub, and a few other things but those are my details alone. :P

My BlackBerry should arrive today. I ordered myself some palazzo pants, and a couple shirts from WetSeal, and a new purse.

I haven't carried a purse in about 4 years!

I woke up to our neighbor's dog barking in my window. God, I was pissed. This dog is a PITA, and is getting into our trash, too. She just lays at our front door.

I managed to have a nice morning hour to myself before the kids awoke and I got them breakfast and some fresh fruit. Marissa woke quite a few times last night, but otherwise did good - so I'm not too tired.

So far, there hasn't been any real fighting, although there's a lot of whining on Dylan's part. Par for the course, really. My patience since Friday has increased dramatically, since the evaluation.

It was an eye opener, I guess.

I hope this week continues to be as nice as this past weekend was.

Oh, and my birthday is in 8 days! I'll be 24.

I haven't celebrated my birthday in 6 years, it sorta depresses me. I don't usually get cake or presents. My Dad did send a card, and my father in law sent me some perfume. :)

Maybe we'll do something for my birthday, like go out to eat or something.

The break.

Remember how I said I'd break before I'd cry?

Here it comes. I can feel it in the way I choke on my tears.

I updated my mom and dad on the evaluation and while at the time I was outwardly calm, they kept saying, "Calm down, it'll work out". I was repeating back to them, "I'm fine".

They both said, "I know how you are, Rae."

Yes. I'm holding it in. No, it's not easy. Yes, I want to cry. No, I will not let myself.

Today, all I could do was watch him play. I can't help but look at it differently now. Whereas I thought he just liked to play by himself because that's WHO he is, there's a possibility it's because of WHAT he is.

These habits that I thought were his own? That made my little guy, Dylan - Dylan... are they now a part of this label? There's a possibility it's not of his own choice. My heart breaks.

My chin quivers. I will not cry.

Party pics!

The kids would not sit still long enough for me to get decent shots, so must of these are just snapshots. Happy Birthday, Natalie!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

Natalie is being a total priss and having an attitude because it's her birthday party, today.

I have her hair set in curlers, at the moment - she wanted to wear her hair like a princess. Pics to follow after the party!

The results

Dylan failed some their screenings, and she wants to get him in immediately. Low on speech, failed problem solving, and she brought up oral motor/texture sensory. She sad she definitely wants an OT to visit him.

You live, you learn...

Funny, you've known someone for a couple years.

For so long, you think you are friends - but it's been mostly giving, and no receiving. Friendship is a two-way street, just as any other relationship. The bad thing is, for those couple years, you had a feeling you were being used for what you could offer.

It was only nice to talk to you when they needed/wanted something.

Looking back, those years shame you. It makes you feel pretty crappy to known you were taken, and perhaps you even feel ignorant for a short while. But, hey - at least in the end you are wiser for it all, and you can shrug your shoulders over time wasted.

You don't over extend yourself, and really - you don't care to continue the friendship anymore. You barely speak to them, and when you do, this person is an ass (whereas before you thought they were being funny or witty) but now you just see it for what it really is.

You smile, because now you know - and they most likely think you still give a shit, when you really don't. You can find the humor in it all to laugh at that person. You don't need to worry about writing that chapter in your book, for it holds no meaning.

Good luck in your future endeavors, and good riddance, you say.

At 2:30

My life could be changed forever. At least, it's very possible.

The evaluator from ECI is coming today at 2:30, to hang out with Dylan. My mom-in-law, will be coming over too, to help with Natalie and Marissa so I can concentrate on Dylan.

The evaluator is unable to DIAGNOSE Dylan, but I can ask her if she's met other children like my son, and what their diagnoses were.

The weirdo in me wants to make sweet tea, and snacks - like this is some social "fun" occasion. It's not. It's business, but I have heard it's generally painless and that it IS fun, I just don't see how. I'll be sitting here over-analyzing everything the evaluator says or does, wringing my hands, and clucking like a damned hen.

Funny, Kenny does call me and my OL buds the "Cackling Hens".

Typically, I hold up pretty well. I don't break down, and I definitely do not show it. If I'm dying inside, you would never know it, honestly. Right now, I have a lump in my throat, and I want to puke. My hands have only a slight shake to them, but otherwise my demeanor is serene.

When Nan-nan died, I didn't cry. I didn't cry until my Pap-paw sent me a picture of her, 2 months after her death. Then I cried.

I'm not going to cry. I'll most likely break before I cry.

Fingers crossed, please?

Rock the Vote '08, ha!

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day the evaluator from ECI comes to meet with Dylan and I.

Why am I so nervous?

Awesome CFHusband update!

I read his blog daily.

Tricia, got to hold baby Gwyneth for the first time with new lungs! She was actually able to speak to her above a whisper, too!

You can check his blog here, and see pictures. Please continue to keep them in your prayers, and thoughts. They'll need it.

Way to go Tricia!

I'm not your friend, guy!

So... crunches?

I did over a 100 of 'em suckers yesterday, on my exercise ball.

I'm paying the price for it today. My stomach is so achy, and it feels like a) I'm either going to puke, or b) I'm really hungry. Hate it!

No pain, no gain though, right? Ah, well. It'll pay off in due time.

Amazingly, mom said she sent out the Easter package, and Natalie's birthday present. It'll be late, but hey! At least she's doing it.

Two more days and the evaluator from ECI comes to meet Dylan. I try not to be nervous but the whole thought of it makes me want to puke. Kenny won't be here, but Mother-in-law will be - so she can help me with Natalie and Roo while I concentrate on Dylan.

He did the weird motion hand quite a bit yesterday, and today. It's almost frantic looking. I'll have to see if I can catch some of his weird habits on video, so you can see what I'm talking about.

It's an awfully slow and quiet day, with not much going on around here. Cloudy, threatening to storm. I wish it would, already. I love thunderstorms. Big, powerful, heavy ones.

Natalie's party is Saturday, and despite us knowing hardly anyone, it should be really nice. Wendy and her son, and her fiance's granddaughter will be come. Wendy is John's (my brother in law) sister. Na-na (MIL), Kami and John (sil and bil) and perhaps Debbie (Kenny's aunt) should be here.

Natalie's been talking about it non-stop. She and I have matching outfits. I'll be sure to get plenty of pictures.

A...B... Say it mama!

With Natalie turning 4, I've been worried about her letters.

She knows the ABC song by heart, and I'm pretty sure she can recognize a few of the letters.

It's whenever I work with her she just goes blank. "I don't know" or "Say it, Mama!" are her standard replies, or she'll guess letters. So, I've been determined to play letter games with her everyday for a few minutes, in hope she'll catch on.

We've also been giving her computer time at poissonrouge.com, and Starfall.com. They're really great learning sites, and she enjoys them.

I think she may have trouble performing under pressure, or she says "I don't know" just to get on my nerves, since she'll get some letters right and then we hit the same letter again, it's that standard response.

But lately, in the past 2 days, it's like a light went off. We're naming a lot of letters, and she's doing terrific! Natalie even said, "K is for kite!"

I bought her some flash cards for us to play with, also.

I'm not pressuring her to do anything. As soon as I see her attention start to waver I tell her I think we've had enough and she can go play with what she likes. I don't want her to feel like it's work, to learn.

We're getting some chapter books for her birthday, in hopes that she'll let me read to her. She was never one for that. She always wanted the book to pretend to read, or she'd get frustrated with me.

On a side note, my mother still has stuff from Easter she hasn't sent, that she says she'll send every week. Not to mention some of Roo's clothes that I bought when I was up in Ohio.

Mom will also be late for Natalie's birthday. I'm not surprised. She does this frequently, and quite frankly, it gets on my nerves. I think Dad will be late, also.

Just a card, grandparents. That's all. Let her know you are thinking of her.

Not a creature was stirring,

The kids are still asleep at 8:34 am.

It's making me wary. I catch myself giving the hallway the stink eye, expecting them to come hurtling through there screaming any second.

I've actually had a morning to myself. I was able to eat breakfast, and read my emails before it got chaotic. In the mornings, normally I feed them first, then nurse Marissa as they eat. After I'm done nursing Marissa, it's time to clean up their mess in the kitchen.

The cycle continues, and I forget to eat some days. Not healthy.

I'm trying to watch what I eat (I'm 5'2'' and 118lbs) not to lose weight, but not to gain. I haven't walked in a week and a half, or done any ab exercises. I know! Horrible. If I want my tummy to somewhat resemble my pre-kids one, I've got to work on it.

So, you heard it hear first. I will work on my tummy, every day. To tone it up.

Want proof? I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm posting a picture. I'll use it as my "before" photo, and post a new one, once a week so you can see my work in progress.

Yes, I have stretch marks - but the lines are from where I slept. I look disheveled!

Eek!

Uninvited guest...

has taken up residence right outside our front door.

The First Step

I've slowly begun to speak my concerns about Dylan to family, and friends over the possibility of Autism, or a sensory issue.

I've been warring with myself for the past few months over his quirky habits, trying to reason with myself as to why he would do some of the things he's been doing. These oddities of his have won me over - and after speaking with a OL person who's experienced Autism with her own son... I decided to make the phone call to my local Early Childhood Intervention program.

They called me today, and asked me what has been going on with him. I explained, and she said she wants to meet him this week. So, Friday, the 11th, at 2:30pm is the first step.

I have a myriad of feelings right now. Relief, anxiety, calm, sadness.

But most importantly love.

The only thing I can't explain right now is the tears in my eyes, as the little guy sits in my lap with his blankets, arms wrapped around my chest, and head on my shoulder.

He's got a nice temple for kisses, and he smells like my son.

That didn't last long.

Sigh. Kenny had been 24 hours without a smoke. I really wasn't getting my hopes up, even though he said his chest had hurt when he smoked. He knows how much I dislike smoking, but I don't hound him about it.

Matter of fact, my Nan-Nan passed away due to lung cancer. She had only quit smoking when she was diagnosed with it. She didn't tell anyone what was going on. We didn't figure out what was up until she landed in the hospital and never left.

I don't want to lose Kenny that way. I don't want our children to experience that.

We had a nice dinner, bathed the kids, and he dressed them, saying he was going to go get the kids a treat. He went and got cigs. When he got back, I just... knew. I asked and the silence was thick.

I feel like he's having a sordid affair with smoking. Why does he feel like he had to sneak? I haven't hounded him about it, at all.

I'm pretty bummed. I don't know what to say to him.

Letters from Mom.

The end result of the letters I picked up for Natalie. Hey, they're not like some of the ones people make on eBay (have you seen them? They're really good!), but they were made with love.

I smell like a pina colada!

I've always enjoyed the scent of pineapple and coconut. So much, in fact - I own several things ranging from candles, to room spray, to bath/body items.

They say scents correlate with a person's chemistry - does that make me exotic? Or just beach bound? I don't look exotic (actually, I'm the very typical "Black Irish"), so I must be beach bound. Let's hope so!

Back to the subject at hand, I've been using Virgin Coconut Oil on my hair and face lately. I have to say I'm impressed. I *LOVE* it.

I rub some into my face every night. I get these annoying, tiny bumps on my forehead, and my forehead is smooth. It's help my skin. It's moisturized, it feels soft, it looks healthy! You'd think since it was oil, it'd break me out even more, and leave me with a nasty sheen. Not the case.

I apply it at night, and it absorbs over night. If, for whatever reason, there's a trace of oil left - I just wash it off.

As for my hair, I apply it all over. Coconut Oil is a liquid at 76*F, so it's easy to smooth throughout your hair. I tie my hair up in a bun, throw a towel on my pillow, and leave it on over night. In the morning, I wash it with shampoo twice. It rinses out really well (better than olive oil and almond oil) and leaves me hair very shiny and soft.

I've also read you can ingest it, and it helps with your metabolism. It's such a neat oil, and has many uses. I just had to share my own good luck with it! I suggest you try it if you've been thinking about it.

It turned out to be a beautiful day.

The sun did decide to make it's much awaited appearance, after noon. All in all, it was a beautiful day.

We took a trip to the store to pick up a few things, and to place an order for Natalie's nirthday cake. Hey, just because we know no-one with chidren doesn't mean we [and family] can't throw her a party.

I'm having them make a "beach and ocean" cake, and I bought some small Ariel pieces to put upon the cake. So far, she's gotten a brand new bed set for her room to match her "garden" theme. We also got her some add-ons for her doll house, two new games for her VTech and Leapster, some flash cards, and I also picked up some wooden letters and paint to make a special gift for her.

Kenny's decided he's going to quit smoking, because when he smoked this morning, he said his chest hurt. I hope he sticks with it this time. I really do. We bought him quite a few things to munch on, as it seems to help him. He's lean, so he can munch away. Boy, he makes me jealous with his metabolisml

Marissa had on the cutest Gymboree outfit today. I'm not sure of the name of the line, but we got so many compliments. Pictures of our day!