embracin' the storm

MSN/AIM

2008-07-07T09:49:00.003-05:00

I've decided to add MSN to my list of Instant messenger's.

MSN: feroxfemina@live.com
AIM: Rawriiicious

And those who have my Blackberry number already have it. Please feel free to add me to MSN! :)

Raegan pics!

2008-07-03T21:22:00.002-05:00

Prepare to have your heart strings tugged at, and have your ovaries twitch, ladies.

Welcome to the world, Raegan.

2008-07-03T09:08:00.003-05:00

My very good friends Karla and Jason welcomed their little girl Raegan into the world at 10:55pm, last night. She weighs 7lbs9oz, and is 20.5 inches long, with a headful of semi-curly dark hair. She has the most perfect little face, and such a pair of lungs on her.

Thank you two for letting me be part of something so beautiful.

I'll be heading back up to the hospital today to snap some pics as the ones I got last night were a bit fuzzy b/c the room was dark. Raegan is just pure love. She's tiny perfection. I'm in love, and I KNOW both her parents are!

In other news, sorry about half a month of not-blogging. I didn't feel up to it.

With Karla and Jason's permission, I'll post pics of Raegan later.

Marissa turned one on the 1st, and although we didn't do much besides have spaghetti and cake, and then let her open her present. It was fun. Pictures later today after I visit the new parents!

Getting quirkier.

2008-06-18T09:37:00.002-05:00

My blogging has slowed down majorly the past few days. I'm sorry. I'm mostly in withdrawal mode from friends and family. Some of who can't seem to handle it and I've lost connection with them. Oh well, I guess it really just boils down to if I have Kenny and the kids. The rest are veng fodder. (Gamers may get the reference.)

Right now, with Dylan, we're doing minor monthly visits with the ECI. We're playing a "look and see" type of thing, I suppose. While he has SOME traits of Autism, he lacks the rest. We're most likely looking at PPD-NOS.

His habits are getting quirkier. If there's TWO of exactly the same thing, he MUST have a certain one, even when we (as adults) can't tell the difference, apparently he can. His food must be arranged a certain way, and on a certain plate. Like right now, he had to have cereal in a BIG bowl. His food habits are getting rougher. He whines about everything we eat.

When riding in a vehicle he MUST be on the passenger side. He flips out if we attempt to put him on the driver's side. He has suddenly developed a fear of water. He now hates bath time, something he used to love.

Sometimes I feel so lost with him. Like I'm a little speck in his big old world of a nearly 3 year old. I'm his mom, I'm supposed to show him which way to go but all I feel like I can do is allow him to lead.

It's really unsettling.

I haven't taken any pictures lately, but I will soon. I've been tired and stressed, and not in the mood for much creativity.

If you can please say a prayer for Nate, his wife Tricia, and little Gwyneth. I have their blog linked in my list.

SYTYCD4

2008-06-17T18:40:00.000-05:00

Here are my two faves:

The Countdown begins!

2008-06-12T07:08:00.002-05:00

M good friend Karla is 37 weeks today. She was there for the birth of Dylan, and I'm going to be there for the birth of her daughter, Reagan. I'm so excited I can't stand it.

I threw a breastfeeding basket together for her for her baby-shower, and have a little hospital bag ready for her, too. I think I'm going to get a board game for her, as well. Karla was so brave standing at the foot of the bed when Dylan was born.

She also took pictures. And while Dylan was in the NICU, Jason and Karla spent so much time with us at the hospital. They made pot roast stew, picked up things for us... everything. They're such amazing friends, and I'm absolutely thrilled for them. Kenny will be tagging along to prove jason with some company.

Believe it or not, Jason was pretty much there for both the birth of Dylan and Marissa. I scared the crap out of him with Dylan, but his resolve must have strengthened because he wasn't the least bit scared while I was in labor with Marissa.

Karla is due July 4th, her doctors seem to think she'll make it to the very day. The anticipation will be killing us all!

City of Villains

2008-06-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

Best Spongebob Episode

2008-06-05T11:44:00.001-05:00

City of Heroes fun

2008-06-03T08:35:00.003-05:00

Yeah, he got Pwned.

Then I got pwned. And teabagged.

HILARIOUS. Need I say more?

Still having internet issues

2008-06-03T08:32:00.002-05:00

For about a week now. It'll be fine up until 11am(c) and then it will start cutting out every few minutes. It's ridiculous, and beyond frustrating.

Suddenlink has someone finally coming out here tomorrow. It took me a year of fucking phone calls to get them someone out here. Suddenlink is horrible, and I would not recommend their services. If I could go with someone else, I would.

Spiderman Ripoff

2008-05-29T21:18:00.003-05:00

This is Jesteria, a lvl 22 ill/rad troller on Virtue. See the way she's crouching? It screams Spiderman.

A beautiful day.

2008-05-29T08:39:00.001-05:00

Well, it was last Sunday. Ignore the dark spot, it was shot through the window.

Problems with internet?

2008-05-28T16:32:00.000-05:00

It may be because you have Suddenlink. Damn, our internet goes down a lot!

It didn't help that the CSR sounded like she hated her job, it made me even more irritated. As often as our cable goes out (about 21hrs a week) you think they'd be willing to compensate. Nope.

They said that if the cable goes down you have to call in when it goes down, then call when it comes back up. What about those who have their phone service through them?

Huh?! Thank goodness for my Blackberry.

Sunburn

2008-05-27T09:00:00.004-05:00

Poor Dylan. I'm a little irritated with Kenny, right now. It was a little cloudy yesterday, and he had the kids outside as I cleaned. I kept telling him they needed to come in for breaks, and wear sunscreen. We actually bickered over it. He claimed it was cloudy, and therefore they could not get sunburns. I tried telling him that you can get the worst sunburns when it's cloudy.

Anywho, Dylan is really sunburnt, Marissa a little bit, and Natalie just tanned. I have a feeling Dylan will tan, too - I can see he already is. I sprayed some stuff onto it, and did a vinegar/water solution on him. It supposedly helps with the sting.

He hurts, he just can't understand why.

I'm eccentric.

2008-05-26T15:34:00.002-05:00

A good in-game friend made me sit back and think on what makes me eccentric. I had brought up the fact that I'm more at ease being the center of attention within a crowd, then I am with being the center of attention, in a one on one type of deal.

He called me eccentric, albeit endearingly so.

It's true, though. Isn't it odd that I'd feel that way?

Some more must knows: I don't like the feel of cotton balls, it makes me grit my teeth. I can totally deal with the banging of pots and pan, nails scratching upon a board, much better than I can deal with the TV being on even remotely loud, or screaming, but yet I like my music loudloudloud.

Pingu's 3rd Anniversary

2008-05-26T11:22:00.004-05:00

Last night was the Pingu Coalition's Third Anniversary on Champion (City of Heroes).

I can't believe the turn out. SO many people were there. I was getting tells from (unpingu*) people unbelieving I had come back. It was so neat to talk to these people again. We hald contests, gave away lots of money, IOs, and full sets of purples. I was able to login to vent and hear, but unable to speak as my only mic is broken. I've decided to get a new one today, so I can bug the piss out of my Pingus!

Steve (Chop-Chop) held a contest saying the first person to cyber me gets like 10mil inf. The above is a screen shot of some replies.

*Being an unpingu is a sin. Jus' sayin'.

Singin' the blues.

2008-05-23T12:16:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted since Tuesday. My mood has been leaving much to be desired, and it's not necessarily something people want to read about. I'm trying my best not to be bitchy, complain, or whine as there are things I have to be thankful for...

But I just wish something would happen already with this moving/job deal. I'm hanging onto a cliff everyday over this, wondering, "Will today be the day they call?" And I honestly feel like I no longer have the strength to do that.

Yet, I can't help but worry.

I've started playing CoX (City of Heroes/Villians) again to help take up some thinking time hoping that it will keep my mind off things. I miss playing video games.

I'm really on edge, and have managed to piss my mother off, scream at my kids, and have Dad frustrated with me. I've been calling him more frequently to see if there is any news from ITT.

I wish I could crawl into a hole. I can't seem to do anything right, and I know it's getting bad when I'm getting sad over friends' good fortunes. Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED for them but I just wonder when it's going to be our turn.

Fun in the sun

2008-05-20T21:42:00.005-05:00

My MIL's neighbor has two kids, 5 and 3, and they came over today to play with Natalie, Dylan, and Marissa.

I set up the two pools, and the kids' slip n' slide. It was a lot of fun, we all enjoyed it.

This is Laci.

Natalie, of course.

Daddy and Roo Berry, as he calls her.

This is Jase.

Sweetheart Dylan.

Finally

2008-05-19T18:14:00.002-05:00

The electrician is here and checking things out. Hopefully it's nothing serious, and we will be able to rest peacefully now.

Still no word from ITT, or the other company here in TX, or TWC. It should literally be any day now and the anticipation is absolutely killing me. I'm so tired (literally, as in worn out) of worrying about it and am more than ready.

Have I ever mentioned Texas bugs are killing me? My left foot is TORE up from fire ants, so badly in fact, that I woke up this morning and it was numb. Ouch. I've learned to live with the spiders. It doesn't mean I like them, though.

Here are [a few] pics from our weekend.

Reading [and writing]

2008-05-19T10:52:00.002-05:00

I'm currently reading "Twilight" a movie that's due to come out later this year. It's actually more geared to older teens, but I'm still finding it very interesting as I dig paranormal stuff. It's about a vampires and the like.

I also picked up an author called Kresley Cole, who writes romance. The book of her's I picked up is a paranormal one (vampires and other mythical creatures). It was a random choice at Walmart one late night as I was starving for some books. I loved it so much I ordered the rest of the series. It's not your typical romance novel. It's damn good.

There has still been no electrician out to inspect the house, and I'm pretty upset. We got Dylan's haircut at the Woodlands Mall this past weekend and he did so good. He has a faux hawk and it's super cute! I'll get a picture of it soon enough. We also had a picnic at Lake Livingston with my MIL, and well enjoyed ourselves.

I've got some thoughts to share but that's another post later today when I have time to sit down and organize my thoughts. :)

Updates

2008-05-16T14:12:00.002-05:00

Nate, Tricia, and GWYNETH are home! That is such great news. Check out his blog to find out more!

We still have not had our electrical stuff inspected, and I'm growing angrier by the second. Our landlady is being awfully careless and she doesn't seem to value her tenants too much. Monday, I'm making a call to someone about this.

This is ridiculous and very upsetting. Tomorrow's plans are to go get Dylan's haircut at a place meant for children. It's in the Woodland's Mall. Natalie is going to a birthday party. Tomorrow should be fun!

Electrical fires and tornadoes!

2008-05-14T13:31:00.004-05:00

What a fun 24 hours, my goodness!

You've heard me bitch about the electrical wiring about this house so I'll do my best to make this short, and... well, short. Two out of three of our outlets in our bedroom stopped working. Kenny came come, and checked out those two to find they had no voltage to them.

He then goes to turn the main breaker off, and it pops and sparks at him. Great. BIL's cousin comes over to check things out with Kenny since he has a better idea of electrical wiring, etc. There's an outlet that's located behind our headboard, where Kenny plugs his alarm in. They go to check that outlet and there's burn marks on the wall.

All I could think was, "Oh my god, that could have caught our bed sheets on fire, and our heads!" Not to mention that wall is the wall we share with the girls'. Nice, eh? The landlord has been contacted but she hasn't done jack shit about anything yet. Very unsafe, and very unwise.

Some bad weather rolled in today, too. Caused a couple tornadoes, and I could sense the tornado spawning. It got black, the smell in the air changed, and it went from being very hot, still, and thick to cool. I threw myself, Dylan, and Marissa into a closet with blankets. Natalie is at Aunt Kami's. Everyone is alright and you can't even tell we had a tornado.

But you do get to see the burnt up plugs, yes!

Wind it up!

2008-05-13T08:00:00.002-05:00

I sincerely wish that I could just wind myself up every morning. Like a mechanical toy - when you need it to come to life, just crank it a few times and watch it wobble about.

I NEED that. I've been sleeping like crap.

Yesterday Kenny had a job interview and Dylan had another ECI appointment. Kenny left and then came back a short time after. You know my heart was pounding as I saw him approach the door. I eagerly opened it with a "Well?"

He said the guy wasn't even there, yet! He was told to come back in a few hours. Blah!

So the ECI specialist and OT show up, and we decide on what we'd like to work on with Dylan. I chose communication to start, because sometimes that's the root of all evils. You improve that, and you improve a little bit of everything else. It was suggested I get him to the Meyer Testing Center in Houston. This is the place where I can get a OFFICIAL diagnosis of autism. Yet, the wait is 6mos to a year.

Or, I could take him to his ped and see what the ped would like to do.

During the visit Kenny left again, only to come back once more with the guy still not being there! So he took a day off and spent gas, yuck. The guy called later that day and interviewed him over the phone. He offered the job to Kenny, but said he'd back to him on a pay rate b/c of Kenny's skills.

ITT has a position up that Kenny did before he left, so I submit his resume to it and Dad will call Kenny's old boss on Wednesday to tell them to pull it. Hopefully that'll be our answer.

Last night, Kenny lit candles, had some music playing, and gave me a nice backrub among other things. :)

In the middle of the night our power was flickering only in our bedroom. Now two outlets don't work. One of those outlets happen to be our a/c! This house is so... I hate it, that's all.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T22:12:00.003-05:00

It was nice!

We woke up, made breakfast for my mother in law, and then had a lazy day.

I got some cute pics, which I'll post at the end. :) Tomorrow there's another visit with the ECI peeps, and Kenny has a interview. We're also hoping to hear more from NC tomorrow, too.

I'm very tired, at the moment - so without further due. Pictures! The rest can be seen flickr!

Saturday Night Live!

2008-05-10T22:23:00.003-05:00

In the Culley house. :D

It's a late night post, but things are quiet and slow and I've nothing left to do so here I am.

I ordered 2 shoot-thru umbrellas, and 2 double head a/c swivel umbrella holders to be used with my CF Full spectrum light bulbs. In other words: this is for taking photos! We also did some grocery shopping, and picked up Dylan some new sheets and curtains.

What an improvement with his new bedding and stuff. Looks great. Still hate this house, though.

I invited my MIL for breakfast in the morning. I got her a griddle she's been wanting. I realize tomorrow is more her day than mine, I guess it's because she has more motherly years than I. :eyeroll:

I made two boys for Marissa with some ribbon I picked up today. I also picked up a really cute 4th of July outfit, with some matching ribbon! It's going to be so cute!

I picked out a super juicy watermelon, and left a whole slice for Marissa in order to take some cute photos of her tomorrow, with it. I need to get all three of the kids together but unless they've been tranquilized we're going to have a problem achieving that. Ha!

Oh, and we got forced out of our house yesterday. Bees invaded our home at the sliding glass back door. I'm not sure how they were getting in, as the door was locked and closed. Like I said, I hate this house. We had to leave, though - because I'm allergic.

MIL came and picked us up, we went to her house and had lunches and naps, then played on a slip n' slide. It was a really nice day Friday.

CF Husband news!

2008-05-09T07:36:00.002-05:00

You all most likely already know, because once you've had one look at his blog, you can't help but go back.

Their story is too uplifting, and too powerful not to!

But I must squeal! Nate and Tricia could very well be bringing Gwyneth home next week, as long as she continues to eat everything from her body! Also, that sweet little baby is 4 months! 4 months, can you believe it?

Heck, I can't even believe I've been reading for this long. I'm so excited for them!

You can check out Nate's blog here.

Woot for Kenny!

2008-05-08T17:37:00.004-05:00

He has a job interview down here in Texas on Monday, and also, we have another option now open to us as a Broadband Tech in Charlotte, NC.

Anything's dandy until ITT gets their stuff straightened out and we can get our butts to NC. I'm really hopeful, but I'm trying not to get my hopes too high. It'd be really nice if they offered a good pay rate, and plus it's closer and he wouldn't have to be driving OUR van all over the damned place.

So please, my friends - keep your fingers crossed. And my fans can continue to make their voodoo dolls. I love you, too. (Not really, but you have earned my sympathy!)

The stress is piling on...

2008-05-07T12:18:00.002-05:00

...and you wouldn't even know I'm affected by it.

Friends and family are telling me, "You sound okay" or "You're handling it better than I am" but what they don't know is that I worry about it so much.

The stress comes from this supposed move and going back to work for ITT. Yet with the fuck up on their parts that has yet to move anywhere. Also, Kenny's current job which continues to give him the shaft with not reimbursing him for using his vehicle for work purposes (he's driving pretty far) and for some reason he's not getting paid the full amount he should for 40 hours.

That, combined with the gas money to travel for work - it has eaten up our nest egg for moving. We had sold the Jeep, but that's all gone to pay bills and to make ends meet. We're supposed to get this stimulus crap Friday, and that'll be put back to help us move. I just hope it happens soon or we won't be able to!

I'm so stressed, I wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking about it, and am unable to get back to sleep. I think about it. All day long. I find myself praying for one thing to go right. For one thing to work out as it should for us.

I was never one for praying much, but I constantly find myself with a furrowed brow, eyes closed, and hands over my face, just begging for God to please work with us.

We work hard to raise and support our family. We could use some good luck.

Do you hear what I hear?

2008-05-07T09:27:00.004-05:00

This is what I hear EVERY day. His whining sessions last about 30mins to sometimes an hour long. I hear it as soon as he wakes up. They are mostly in the morning. Sometimes it's screeching.

Rae and the No Good, Very Bad, Horrible Day (Chpt 2)

2008-05-06T10:51:00.006-05:00

This day has been absolutely horrible so far. It's only 11am, too! So you know what that means - it's going to get worse. It begins with me being up all night with a upset tummy, and a nursing Marissa.

Who in turns wakes up at 5:30am to nurse again, and pretty much stays awake whining until 7am until I nurse her again, and then attempt to put her back down. Nope. More whining/crying. So I let her fuss, make myself some breakfast, grab her and get settled. She nurses herself to a dead sleep. I know she's tired. Dylan wakes up, so off I go (gently, mind you) to lay a sleeping beauty down.

And she wakes up. I attempt to let her fuss some more. I get Dylan up, and start to fix him breakfast, which he whines about, as usual. This little boy is (and I say this seriously without dramatics) one of the whiniest children I have ever met.

About this time I get news that the job w/ ITT Systems in Fort Bragg, NC is on hold because of some fuckwad's screw up. Marissa is still whining so I get her up, and manage to distract her with some toys, and get Dylan cleaned up.

I sit down for a [what I thought were a] few quiet minutes to myself. I don't hear Dylan and Marissa whining so I figure, Hey! They're okay. Wrong. I get up to check on them and Dylan had found a [again, what I thought] was an empty Christmas cookie tin. There were old gingerbread cookies w/ icing in it and he had managed to open it. Marissa was sitting in a pile of cookies, like she was the Queen of Sugarplum Fairies. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy when I yanked cookies out of her hand and swept them up.

I run bath water, and strip her down. She pees. Can you hear me screaming yet? Soon I won't have the voice left to scream due to this morning's frustration. I plop her down in the bathtub, and get Dylan cleaned up. I turn to get a towel and Dylan throws a stuffed teddy bear in the bath tub and then wraps it up in a towel. Oi!

I begin to wash Marissa and, hey - what's that smell? It smells like bathroom cleaner! Oh, crap! Last night I had sprayed bathtub cleaner in the tub and never rinsed it.

If Marissa were chrome she'd be shinyyyyy. I drain the water and run some fresh, rinsing Marissa really well.

SIL brings Natalie home, and the fighting between Natalie and Dylan begin. I'm NOT in the mood for this, so I'm yelling at them, already. SIL brought the little boy she watches with her (he's 7mos). I attempt to get Marissa dry and dressed, who's screeching at me, letting me know her displeasure the entire time.

All three kids have runny, disgusting noses. I may use the thick snot as a glue trap.
SIL comments that she doesn't know how I do it.

Even on my best days I don't know how I do it, either. I just do it.

The RBI visit

2008-05-05T19:13:00.002-05:00

Well, our ECI Specialist said I gave her a ton of info, and it was really good. She says she has trouble with a lot of parents not providing ENOUGH information.

Just a reminder, an RBI is where they interview me on his day, from waking up to bedtime. Then they ask me to rate simple activities during our day, and if I'd like to see improvement in those areas.

Next week the Occupational Therapist comes again with our ECI Specialist, and they hang out with Dylan again, and we map out our plan.

Last night Kenny and I were at each other's throat. He was biting my head off and riding my ass for no reason. I mean, he was really yelling at me. I was so confused.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked him. He said he had a migraine, and was just trying to deal with it so he could help me out. I rushed him off to our bedroom. He was incapable to help me in his state. It was pretty bad.

He made up for his asinine behavior with some Cinnamon Crunch bagels from Panera bread. Yum! I do love the man, and he knows my weaknesses.

Right now, with Dylan whining and Kenny getting frustrated with him I can barely think. Sigh.

I told the ECI Specialist I'd like to improve my time spent with Dylan, like the times in between meals, you know? And our "hanging out as a family time". I just think there's so much more we can be doing. They'll give me tools and tips on how to utilize all of this.

I want to write more, especially just to spill my thoughts and vents but I feel a headache coming on.

A ton of pics, as promised.

2008-05-05T11:52:00.004-05:00

And this is only SOME of what I took. :) I also entered a project called 365days on flickr. I have to take a self portrait everyday for the next year. I hope I can stick to it, and I'm also hoping it'll inspire more creativity!

Expect pictures tomorrow!

2008-05-04T21:21:00.001-05:00

For reference, this was posted late Sunday night.

We've had a busybusy weekend with my father-in-law in town, so I haven't had a moment's chance to play catch up. I took lotsa pics so I promise those to you tomorrow morning.

The Evaluation Specialist comes again tomorrow to do an RBI, and to lay out or goal plan for sweet Dylan.

Unsure

2008-05-02T08:55:00.002-05:00

DS stayed the night with MIL last night, he adores her and goes over there quite a bit.

They brought him home early this am. MIL said last night he was running a fever (ok, you live literally not even a mile down the road, you should have brought him home).

So she crushed up some Tylenol and put it in his juice. Adult Tylenol. She said it was about an 8th. I'm really uncomfortable with the fact that she did this, because it's dangerous. I know it would take so much for a child to OD or poison themselves off Tylenol... but if she was concerned she should have brought him home!

I thought things like this were kinda common sense? I really do not appreciate the fact she medicated my son without contacting me, first.

I know I should have packed Tylenol, but he was feeling fine before he went over, and she lives 2 seconds down the road. She said she was worried. Really? Then perhaps you should have brought him home, then.

So it's meez!

2008-04-30T17:24:00.001-05:00

Only boring people get bored.

2008-04-30T12:37:00.004-05:00

I don't know if there's any truth to that statement, but damn I'm bored right now.

Laundry is going, house work is done, kids are napping - so there's not much for me to do. It's cloudy off and on or I'd be outside laying out and trying to get some color, but the weather is not permitting.

I have learned a few new things about myself, that I -gasp!- never knew. Apparently, I'm a bitch, I'm a bully, I'm whiny, I'm annoying, and I'm fake.

I can take whiny. Especially lately, I've been dealing with some pretty hardcore shit. I mean, facing the possibility of autism can shake anyone's world a bit.

But the others, oh - the poor soul who said that to me has no idea I'm laughing uproariously at her. I found it all quite funny. If it had been a irl situation, I would have been making faces, much like an 8 year old would do when they're being given a stern talking-to. Or at least stifling laughter and trying to keep a straight face! I'm immature like that. I'll admit that one, too.

Spinning off from the above - isn't it funny how the internet can give someone the freedom to act out like they'd never do irl? I mean, people suddenly have e-balls! I can't honestly see some of these people walking around talking/acting the way they do online, because let's face it - you'd probably get the shit stomped out of you.

I'm not condoning violence at all, but some people have no qualms about using it, especially when they've gotten someone in their face yapping like a high-strung poodle who pisses itself every time it gets overly excited.

Or! Those who come online to find sexual experiences they'd never dare to seek within real life.

Do you think the internet gives one freedom to do as they please, or provides a place to don a fake persona and act like something they would never dare to in real life?

Why do people waste their breath online? I mean, really - what did the above person seek to do by saying those things to me? Can they honestly think I give a rat's ass about their opinion of me?

Someone who I have never met, and never will meet. Who will never have any long-lasting impression upon my life. They are of no significance to me.

It just goes to show, how much people give a fuck about others who don't give two shits about them. I don't get it. Why?

The moral of the story is this: I know many of you deal with the same thing. I'm using my example to express my feelings about these situations. It's not that important. Don't waste your time, as they are doing by spewing ignorant bullshit that goes in one ear and out the other.

It's only a bunch of keystrokes, after all.

Waiting game...

2008-04-29T11:56:00.002-05:00

I'm waiting for the kids to fall asleep for their nap so I can go relax in the sun for a little bit. I've got my mp3 player, suntan lotion, Blackberry, water, lounge chair, and towel ready to go.

Then when they get up - we get in their play pool! :)

Don't forget CF Husband

2008-04-29T09:45:00.002-05:00

Just reminding everyone to keep reading this powerful journey.

Nate's blog can be found here.

Winning the war!

2008-04-28T11:44:00.002-05:00

With the fruit flies, that is!

I'm pretty sure (and very hopeful) that I have won.

Before I used to keep my fruit (like apples, tangerines, bananas) out. Well, for some reason we had a really bad influx of fruit flies. I was desperate to get rid of them. I created several traps (made from baby food jars and vinegar, and one w/ a plastic cup, saran wrap, and ripe banana). It seemed like there was no end to them.

I became so obsessive I would stand there with a fly swatter or spray, and just attack, attack, attack! I bleached my countertops and table daily, and began keeping fruit in the fridge. I also bleached my sinks nightly.

Then, when it seemed like they were at their worst - I burned incense in two places where they were the worst, and two days later, they are gone.

I'm not sure if I can contribute it to the incense, or if it was my determination to get rid of them. I bleached my garbage can, dishes were immediately washed and dried, and put away. I sprayed Lysol all over the place.

Many of my friends who have visited my home make comments on how clean it is, and they wonder how I do it with 3 kids, and Kenny. :P It's not easy, but I CANNOT STAND filth.

If you thought my house was clean before, you should see it now. It's insane. I could lick my countertops.

So, take that you nasty ass fruit flies!

Flower power

2008-04-27T20:30:00.003-05:00

Farmer Dylan

Meeko!

Kitties like flowers, too.

Before:

After!

Bug's lunch

Blackberry

Crushcrushcrush

I got a few things on my list done...

2008-04-26T20:03:00.002-05:00

The bathroom is done for the most part. I bought a new shower curtain and rugs. I like it much more. All that needs done now is a few tiles replaced, and the underside of the sink cleaned out of stuff we no longer use.

Kitchen is DONE, completely. Except for mopping which I'll do tonight after the kids are in bed. I do love a clean house.

Laundry is also done for the most part. just Kenny's work shirts, and the kids' sheets tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll be pulling the rest of the blinds down and washing them, and cleaning the windows. I need to wash my curtains, too. They're black, and Meeko's hair is on them. Ick.

Our friends are coming over tomorrow for a BBQ. Jimmy is in town from Japan (he and his wife are in the navy and stationed there) so we're gonna hang out while we can. I get to see sweet Bubba again. Bubba is Kenny's friend, who I met at Steven's wedding.

He is such a sweet guy, and he's damn lucky I'm married or I'd be all over him like melted butter on a biscuit. He's like a big teddy bear! Love him! He offered to dance with my fat, waddling ass when I was 8mos pregnant with Marissa.

I'll be sure to get pictures. We need the memories.

Weekend To Do Me list.

2008-04-25T21:06:00.002-05:00

Ha! Here's what I've got:

Win the battle with the damn fruit flies.
Clean out cabinets and ontop of counter - then bleach. Clean out underneath sink.
Pull blinds down and bleach 'em, then windex all windows
Wash curtains
Bleach bathroom, including cabinets. Also, clean out underneath sink.
Dust. everything.
Wash all sheets.
Consolidate packed boxes and storage stuff.
Wipe down walls.
Vacuum, sweep, mop.
Disinfect toys.
Cut grass.
Tidy up garden.
Minor grocery shopping.
Then on Sunday, hang out with some good friends. :)

It should be a nice weekend, and I'll have a nice, clean house.

Photos of Natalie...

2008-04-24T20:55:00.004-05:00

Got a hair up my butt. I need to get some of Marissa and Dylan now. I'll attempt that this weekend when we go to the lake/park.

I want it...

2008-04-24T15:12:00.000-05:00

I need it.

I Yahoo'd! Myself

2008-04-24T11:11:00.003-05:00

So it's not exactly googling, and I didn't exactly Yahoo MY name.

But I did Yahoo a handle I've been known to use (although I haven't used it in the past few years - I've just started to reuse it again). Ferox Femina. It's latin for Wild Woman. As I was saying, I Yahoo'd it and came across a BLOG using Ferox Femina as it's url.

My panties are in a twist I tell you. Ok, not really as I have no ownership to the handle, but I thought it was funny! I could use the funnies right now.

I don't want no kit-kat - I want a break!

2008-04-23T14:53:00.003-05:00

Oi. Why can't good news be just that? Good news.

Why does it have to be a Good News Cake, with Bad News Icing?

We're supposed to be moving, as soon as we get the word from ITT in Fort Bragg, NC. They're having to work out the kinks with the proposal, resubmit it, then hopefully we'll be on our way.

Initially, my Dad was going to purchase a house, and rent it out to us so we could either save up for our own, or buy it from him and my step-mother. Well, Dad has to have back surgery in a few weeks so now we'll have to put off buying a house. It'll make things tougher, but we can still manage.

It's just the matter of hearing the word, "Go!"

My landlady is driving me APESHIT. I'm trying to be understand, but now it's gotten to the point where I want to lop off her head. Ever since she caught word we were planning on moving she's been bugging the absolute shit out of us. We didn't even tell her we were moving! We hadn't given her our 30 day notice yet, either.

Her brother, a crackhead, lives down a few houses told her we were moving in 2 weeks (keep in mind this was more than a month ago) and so LandLady has been calling every few days asking the same. damn. question.

"Are you moving, yet?"

No, LandLady. As soon as we hear something, I'll let you know. This is the same thing, over, and over. every few days. She even stopped by unannounced and asked me, then called 2 days later and asked the same thing! Landlady also called my sis in law and asked her if she knew when we were moving.

She already has people set up to move in, and wants us out. Sorry, you get your rent on time, and we haven't given our 30 day notice, yet.

LandLady's brother (who we'll call Crackhead for future reference) has issues, too. He gets on my bloody nerves, and has made me very uncomfortable from the get-go. He comes over asking to borrow a lot of things. Like our BBQ pit (which is huge, and cannot be carried), money, cigs, a FLAT tire (he doesn't even have a truck!).

I've also caught him loitering outside our house a few times, too - waiting on us to get home. While we were in Ohio, SIL came over to take care of Meeko, the cat. On her way out, Crackhead flagged her down and asked when we would be back.

Just recently, he happened to know a friend of SIL's who was having a birthday bash. He showed up, got drunk, and then said he was going to go buy some crack. :( I told Kenny and SIL, the guy better not ever show his face at my door again. I do not want that sort of crap around my family.

*Deep, calming breath* Yesterday evening was nice. Kenny surprised me AGAIN! He brought home strawberry cheesecake, and a nice, large jewelry box for me. It was very sweet. I do have such a sweet, and handsome husband. Be jealous! :)

After Dylan's second evaluation, I keep finding myself looking at him differently. I love him, he's still my Dylwhen, don't get me wrong. Just things like him wanting his hands clean when they are already clean, his hand flapping (he has one hand palm open, and with his right hand, he uses his pointer finger to stab frantically at his left when he gets excited).

I'm eager to begin his therapy, and see an improvement so I can easily pass this all off as being just behind, and nothing more.

Marissa had a fever for a few days, then yesterday morning I get her up and she's covered in spot! My polka-dotted Roo baby. I was informed this is most likely a simple virus known as Roseola. She's fine, if not a bit grumpy.

Natalie keeps improving with her letters, but not with her attitude. She's got the Culley cajun temper.

I picked up "The Other Boleyn Girl" Sunday and finished it around midnight last night. It was a beautiful read, and I could barely put it down. I caught myself thinking about it all the time. I really enjoyed it. I think I'll pick up more of the author's work.

Roo's spots!

My bEARTHday.

2008-04-22T10:38:00.003-05:00

April 22nd, 1984. It was Easter and Earth Day. A fitting entrance into the world if I do say so myself.

Are you celebrating Earth Day? I hope so. I hope with the passing days, we ALL continue to try and better our Earth, and be more environmentally aware. Obviously, this doesn't mean rush out and buy a Hybrid, but hell - if you can, do it!

There are other, smaller things that can make a big difference. Recycle.You can help reduce pollution just by putting that soda can in a different bin. If you're trying to choose between two products, pick the one with the least packaging. If an office building of 7,000 workers recycled all of its office paper waste for a year, it would be the equivalent of taking almost 400 cars off the road.

Re-use shopping bags, or even buy cloth bags to carry your groceries in. Ditch buying bottled water and invest in good water bottle and a water filter. You could also cloth diaper. Cloth diapering is not like our Grandmother's cloth diapers of yesteryear. You'd be surprised how hip they are now.

Don't run the water as you wash dishes, or brush your teeth. Got a leaky toilet? You might be wasting 200 gallons of water a day. Wash your clothes in cold water when possible. Turn off the lights when they aren't being used.

Leave your car at home. If you can stay off the road just two days a week, you'll reduce greenhouse gas emissions by an average of 1,590 pounds per year.

Change your light bulbs. Compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs) last 10 times longer than a standard bulb and use at least two-thirds less energy. If you're shopping for new appliances or even home electronics, look for ENERGY STAR products, which have met EPA and U.S. Department of Energy guidelines for energy efficiency. In 2006, the ENERGY STAR program saved energy equivalent to taking 25 million cars off the road and saved Americans $14 billion in utility costs.

There are also fun activities you can do with your kiddos, to encourage them to learn about the Earth, and to be Earth friendly, as well. Plant some flowers or trees, have a "Clean the neighborhood" party, make a compost pile. Reducing the amount of solid waste you produce in a year means taking up less space in landfills, so your tax dollars can work somewhere else. Plus, compost makes a great natural fertilizer. Composting is easier than you think.

I constantly get asked, "Since you were born on Earth Day do/are you Earth friendly?"

Sadly, no. There's so much more that I can be doing, that all of us can be doing but some of us do have limitations. I wish I could do more. Perhaps, one day - I'll be able to.

We take our Earth for granted.

Dylan's Evaluation, Part 2.

2008-04-21T19:13:00.002-05:00

Today the Intake lady and a Occupation Therapist came out to meet with Dylan again, and do something that involves 5 subtests, called the DAYC. It determines whether he is delayed or not, and how much, if any, he is delayed.

They begin by asking questions and interacting with him based on his age, and then "grade" him. It's all very confusing, so I'm trying to explain it the best I can.

This visit didn't go well, either.

He failed 4 of the 5 subtests, in which one he seems particularly far behind (Adaptive). He was 6mos or more behind in those 4, and he "passed" in Social-emotional. So on that note, they concluded we qualify for intervention.

Next week we do an RBI, which is where they interview me after I pay special attention to our routine day, and I give as much detail to them as possible. Then we begin discussing our strategies to help him.

It's all very frustrating, because I hear them hinting their concerns but they won't tell me what is up besides what he's "failing". The more I'm supposed to know, I feel like the more I don't know.

It sounds horrible, but I want a clear definition of what I'm dealing with. I think it's because if I hear a label, I can face it quicker. I hate the unknown. Especially because I keep getting told "He's delayed in so-and-so" without a reason WHY he is.

Not so free time!

2008-04-20T20:36:00.002-05:00

I chickened out on leaving Marissa with SIL, especially since Marissa had been feeling crummy due to teething (at least, that's what we think we're dealing with.

We went to Barnes and Nobles, and I got "The Other Boleyn Girl". I had started to read it before but never finished it! I also bought some scented oil in Lilac, Honeysuckle, Rain, and Orgasm. Yes. Orgasm. I also bought a oil burner but Kenny dropped the bag when he went to pay for his shirts, and broke it. HA!

I ate blackened chicken to hold me until supper, and bought some cookies. We walked around for a little bit and then finally left to go pick up Natalie at SIL's.

We show up at SIL's and we see that MIL and Kenny's Aunt Judy are there. Kenny says, "Wow, mom is here, too?" I didn't think anything of it, and commented that it was most likely due to his Aunt being in town (she's staying with Kenny's sister).

I grab his Aunt's suitcase to help her carry it in, and...

SURPRISE.

There was MIL, SIL, Natalie, and Dylan singing Happy Birthday to me! Oh, it was a sweet surprise! MIL had attempted to make my favorite cake (which is a $45 cake from Rinaldo's in dayton, OH). It was a 3-layer strawberry cake w/ real strawberry and coolwhip topping. DELICIOUS.

We all had a piece. It was such a nice day.

Thank you to my darling husband, who planned this all to make it special for me. Thank you to my SIL and MIL for helping me, and thank you to my kids and their sweet voices.

Let me just say I'm burning my Orgasm oil and wearing a pink nightie for Kenny, tonight. ;)

A little bit o' free time...

2008-04-20T11:38:00.002-05:00

Today, Kenny planned a few hours just for us.

Natalie and Marissa are going to SIL, and Dylan is going to MIL. I've never left Marissa, and I do worry a little bit about how she'll do. We're taking them over after they've waken up from their nap. I'll nurse Marissa right before we leave, but I've also got some breastmilk defrosting for her, as well.

If she takes it from a bottle, that is. She's never had a bottle. She'll most likely be fine, though - as we only plan to go to a book store and visit the mall.

It's nothing special to anyone else, maybe - but keep in mind I NEVER have time to myself like this.

This is pretty much the extent of a birthday celebration for me. :)

It's gettin' hot in here...

2008-04-19T19:04:00.002-05:00

Marissa has had a fever since yesterday. She's been in a pretty good mood despit it, though. Up until now that is.

We took her grocery shopping with us earlier and she seemed fine, but once we got home I could start to feel her heating back up. I laid her down w/o Tylenol, but when she woke up she was crying and very red. I could feel the heat thru her light dress and my two tank tops.

I take her temp and it's 102* from the ear. :( She's breathing faster than normal, and is so lethargic. She's actually back asleep on my chest/tummy now, with a cool wash rag on her back.

My poor baby! Even though I've done this several times, I still get dumb-struck as to what to do.

I just want to take whatever it is and make it my own.

Straight up gangsta

2008-04-19T09:53:00.002-05:00

I would fear for my life, if I encountered this kid on a dark street. He's so gangsta.

I got flowers!

2008-04-18T14:30:00.003-05:00

This doesn't happen often!

To the senders; ya'll are the best ever! I love you!

A confession...

2008-04-17T22:16:00.003-05:00

I haven't been doing my crunches as I should. Give me hell for it.

PLEASE. So that I may get back on track. Really. Box my ears, curse me, call me dirty names. Do it anon if you have to. Just do it. So I can turn around and show you my tightened tummy later and stick my tongue out at you.

Because I'm incredibly immature (and dramatic) that way. :)

WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

2008-04-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

This is so our family. Kenny says the person at 1:36 (in the background) screaming is me. It's pretty damn funny.

The Next Chapter

2008-04-17T16:23:00.001-05:00

They weren't joking when they said they wanted a OT out here, asap.

On Monday, DS will be officially evaluated, and from my understanding, we'll either be able to say "Nothing's wrong" or we'll have a diagnosis of some sort.

The day before my birthday. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony. I suppose I'll figure it out at the end of that day.

Not in a good mood.

2008-04-16T16:26:00.003-05:00

Forgive me if I'm snappy.

I have a lot of shit going on, and I'm tired of dealing with it all.

Unrelated to the above, my Dad is attempting to buy investment property in Sanford, NC. To begin with, we'll most likely rent it as we save up to either a) buy it directly from him or b) buy a house of our own.

There was one house we all really liked in a great neighborhood. Dad and PJ scheduled a visit and went to see it, but the agent never showed up. Dad finally called him and the guy informs my Dad the house was under contract. Nice job, asswipe. So stand up potential, future clients. That's real good for business.

I've been doing some (almost) daily searching/hunting and have found a few potential houses. Dad seemed to like one I picked out so he contacted the real estate it's listed with. I hope all goes well with this one.

We're just waiting on word right now, for when they want Kenny to come and work. He misses that job, and he said it was biggest regret to leave it.

I'm getting tired of his family trying to pressure us to stay here. This is Kenny's choice, and I support him 100%. Plus, it's a big jump in pay, so when they ask, "Is it worth it?" I just shut my mouth. Of course, it's worth it. It's a HUGE pay difference. He hates his current job, they treat him like crap.

For instance, he's been driving OUR vehicle 150mi a day right now (that's total mileage) to a job site. I thought this was fishy, without them offering to pay for the gas, or any other upkeep on our van. Turns out, they were supposed to be paying him for each mile he had to travel with his own vehicle.

What. the. fuck. Kenny, since working there - I know for a FUCKING fact has traveled over 1k miles for them (and that's just in the past 3mos), and we're just NOW learning about this. Fucking bullshit. I told Kenny he needs to see about getting back-pay for it - but he said if it's too much trouble he's not going to press his luck. It's really shitty and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind when Kenny's 2 week notice is up, when we get ready to move.

I want to move, now.

When we do finally do this, I'll be going to Ohio for about a month while Kenny begins to work, and gets everything settled. It'll be rough being away from him for that long, especially with the kids - but at least I'll have my family and friends in OH to help during this time.

I've just really not been in a good mood of late. It's going to sound incredibly immature, but I feel like an annoyance to people I care about, or I'm just "there". I don't know if this makes sense, or whatnot and I'm not trying to say, "Pay attention to me" but this is just the funk I feel, I suppose.

It's most likely all in my mind, combined with the lack of sleep, moving induced stress, and the worry over Dylan.

Take one - action!

2008-04-15T16:14:00.000-05:00

So, I got my Crackberry and I have been having a lot of fun (and frustration) learning how to use it. Thankfully I know a great place to get questions answered. The people at Crackberry forums have been so helpful!

I have it set up pretty nicely now, and am using some of my fave stuff to make it my own. I see why they call them Crackberries.

I bet you wouldn't even know I'm posting from my Blackberry right this second.

Does this make me a crackhead?

A week after my birthday...

2008-04-15T10:34:00.002-05:00

It's not even my birthday yet and I'm already thinking of the week after!

Paramore is coming to Houston on April 29th! There's no way to get tickets to this private show, but you can win them from 94.5 The Buzz, here in Houston. I entered to win. Man!

That'd be a dream come true, and the bestestest birthday present ever! To be able to go see one of my favorite bands, without kids, for at least a couple hours - awesome!

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. So much, in fact - that I've never really had any time away from them. Marissa has never left my side, and I have yet to have a "date" with Kenny or the like, without at least one of our children.

To be able to go to this concert would be like a bird spreading it's wings for the first time. I'll be able to lose myself in the music, and just be ME for a few hours. Me, without the Mommy label.

I do love my Mommy title, but it's nice to shed that skin every once in a while.

Keep your fingers crossed that I win. If I win, I'll rent an amazing zoom lens to get some awesome photos!

What a great weekend!

2008-04-14T09:09:00.002-05:00

Despite my running thoughts and concerns, it was a great weekend.

Friday night Dylan went and stayed with Nana, and the girls, Kenny, and I made a late run to Walmart to get a few missed things for Natalie's party. We came home, watched TV together, and then went to bed.

We had Natalie's party on Saturday, and I'm so happy that everyone had a good time. That was her first real party. I remember when I threw her 2 year old party, a lot of people were supposed to show up and no one ever did. thank god she didn't understand, but I did.

I actually cut off a few friendships after that (there's more to the story, but yeah).

Back on track, Sunday we woke up and made breakfast and lazied around the house the entire day. We had left-overs for dinner, and Kenny just totally made me relax!

It was really nice, he took care of everything. Getting the kids bathed, and into bed.

Then later, I go into our bedroom to find candles lit, incense burning, and he had also laid out his favorite babydoll shirt and had me put it on. I got a nice back rub, and a few other things but those are my details alone. :P

My BlackBerry should arrive today. I ordered myself some palazzo pants, and a couple shirts from WetSeal, and a new purse.

I haven't carried a purse in about 4 years!

I woke up to our neighbor's dog barking in my window. God, I was pissed. This dog is a PITA, and is getting into our trash, too. She just lays at our front door.

I managed to have a nice morning hour to myself before the kids awoke and I got them breakfast and some fresh fruit. Marissa woke quite a few times last night, but otherwise did good - so I'm not too tired.

So far, there hasn't been any real fighting, although there's a lot of whining on Dylan's part. Par for the course, really. My patience since Friday has increased dramatically, since the evaluation.

It was an eye opener, I guess.

I hope this week continues to be as nice as this past weekend was.

Oh, and my birthday is in 8 days! I'll be 24.

I haven't celebrated my birthday in 6 years, it sorta depresses me. I don't usually get cake or presents. My Dad did send a card, and my father in law sent me some perfume. :)

Maybe we'll do something for my birthday, like go out to eat or something.

The break.

2008-04-12T20:51:00.002-05:00

Remember how I said I'd break before I'd cry?

Here it comes. I can feel it in the way I choke on my tears.

I updated my mom and dad on the evaluation and while at the time I was outwardly calm, they kept saying, "Calm down, it'll work out". I was repeating back to them, "I'm fine".

They both said, "I know how you are, Rae."

Yes. I'm holding it in. No, it's not easy. Yes, I want to cry. No, I will not let myself.

Today, all I could do was watch him play. I can't help but look at it differently now. Whereas I thought he just liked to play by himself because that's WHO he is, there's a possibility it's because of WHAT he is.

These habits that I thought were his own? That made my little guy, Dylan - Dylan... are they now a part of this label? There's a possibility it's not of his own choice. My heart breaks.

My chin quivers. I will not cry.

Party pics!

2008-04-12T19:58:00.005-05:00

The kids would not sit still long enough for me to get decent shots, so must of these are just snapshots. Happy Birthday, Natalie!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

2008-04-12T09:44:00.003-05:00

Natalie is being a total priss and having an attitude because it's her birthday party, today.

I have her hair set in curlers, at the moment - she wanted to wear her hair like a princess. Pics to follow after the party!

The results

2008-04-11T16:40:00.001-05:00

Dylan failed some their screenings, and she wants to get him in immediately. Low on speech, failed problem solving, and she brought up oral motor/texture sensory. She sad she definitely wants an OT to visit him.

You live, you learn...

2008-04-11T12:03:00.003-05:00

Funny, you've known someone for a couple years.

For so long, you think you are friends - but it's been mostly giving, and no receiving. Friendship is a two-way street, just as any other relationship. The bad thing is, for those couple years, you had a feeling you were being used for what you could offer.

It was only nice to talk to you when they needed/wanted something.

Looking back, those years shame you. It makes you feel pretty crappy to known you were taken, and perhaps you even feel ignorant for a short while. But, hey - at least in the end you are wiser for it all, and you can shrug your shoulders over time wasted.

You don't over extend yourself, and really - you don't care to continue the friendship anymore. You barely speak to them, and when you do, this person is an ass (whereas before you thought they were being funny or witty) but now you just see it for what it really is.

You smile, because now you know - and they most likely think you still give a shit, when you really don't. You can find the humor in it all to laugh at that person. You don't need to worry about writing that chapter in your book, for it holds no meaning.

Good luck in your future endeavors, and good riddance, you say.

At 2:30

2008-04-11T07:51:00.002-05:00

My life could be changed forever. At least, it's very possible.

The evaluator from ECI is coming today at 2:30, to hang out with Dylan. My mom-in-law, will be coming over too, to help with Natalie and Marissa so I can concentrate on Dylan.

The evaluator is unable to DIAGNOSE Dylan, but I can ask her if she's met other children like my son, and what their diagnoses were.

The weirdo in me wants to make sweet tea, and snacks - like this is some social "fun" occasion. It's not. It's business, but I have heard it's generally painless and that it IS fun, I just don't see how. I'll be sitting here over-analyzing everything the evaluator says or does, wringing my hands, and clucking like a damned hen.

Funny, Kenny does call me and my OL buds the "Cackling Hens".

Typically, I hold up pretty well. I don't break down, and I definitely do not show it. If I'm dying inside, you would never know it, honestly. Right now, I have a lump in my throat, and I want to puke. My hands have only a slight shake to them, but otherwise my demeanor is serene.

When Nan-nan died, I didn't cry. I didn't cry until my Pap-paw sent me a picture of her, 2 months after her death. Then I cried.

I'm not going to cry. I'll most likely break before I cry.

Fingers crossed, please?

Rock the Vote '08, ha!

2008-04-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

2008-04-10T09:54:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day the evaluator from ECI comes to meet with Dylan and I.

Why am I so nervous?

Awesome CFHusband update!

2008-04-09T19:51:00.002-05:00

I read his blog daily.

Tricia, got to hold baby Gwyneth for the first time with new lungs! She was actually able to speak to her above a whisper, too!

You can check his blog here, and see pictures. Please continue to keep them in your prayers, and thoughts. They'll need it.

Way to go Tricia!

I'm not your friend, guy!

2008-04-09T15:23:00.001-05:00

So... crunches?

2008-04-09T14:30:00.002-05:00

I did over a 100 of 'em suckers yesterday, on my exercise ball.

I'm paying the price for it today. My stomach is so achy, and it feels like a) I'm either going to puke, or b) I'm really hungry. Hate it!

No pain, no gain though, right? Ah, well. It'll pay off in due time.

Amazingly, mom said she sent out the Easter package, and Natalie's birthday present. It'll be late, but hey! At least she's doing it.

Two more days and the evaluator from ECI comes to meet Dylan. I try not to be nervous but the whole thought of it makes me want to puke. Kenny won't be here, but Mother-in-law will be - so she can help me with Natalie and Roo while I concentrate on Dylan.

He did the weird motion hand quite a bit yesterday, and today. It's almost frantic looking. I'll have to see if I can catch some of his weird habits on video, so you can see what I'm talking about.

It's an awfully slow and quiet day, with not much going on around here. Cloudy, threatening to storm. I wish it would, already. I love thunderstorms. Big, powerful, heavy ones.

Natalie's party is Saturday, and despite us knowing hardly anyone, it should be really nice. Wendy and her son, and her fiance's granddaughter will be come. Wendy is John's (my brother in law) sister. Na-na (MIL), Kami and John (sil and bil) and perhaps Debbie (Kenny's aunt) should be here.

Natalie's been talking about it non-stop. She and I have matching outfits. I'll be sure to get plenty of pictures.

A...B... Say it mama!

2008-04-08T12:08:00.002-05:00

With Natalie turning 4, I've been worried about her letters.

She knows the ABC song by heart, and I'm pretty sure she can recognize a few of the letters.

It's whenever I work with her she just goes blank. "I don't know" or "Say it, Mama!" are her standard replies, or she'll guess letters. So, I've been determined to play letter games with her everyday for a few minutes, in hope she'll catch on.

We've also been giving her computer time at poissonrouge.com, and Starfall.com. They're really great learning sites, and she enjoys them.

I think she may have trouble performing under pressure, or she says "I don't know" just to get on my nerves, since she'll get some letters right and then we hit the same letter again, it's that standard response.

But lately, in the past 2 days, it's like a light went off. We're naming a lot of letters, and she's doing terrific! Natalie even said, "K is for kite!"

I bought her some flash cards for us to play with, also.

I'm not pressuring her to do anything. As soon as I see her attention start to waver I tell her I think we've had enough and she can go play with what she likes. I don't want her to feel like it's work, to learn.

We're getting some chapter books for her birthday, in hopes that she'll let me read to her. She was never one for that. She always wanted the book to pretend to read, or she'd get frustrated with me.

On a side note, my mother still has stuff from Easter she hasn't sent, that she says she'll send every week. Not to mention some of Roo's clothes that I bought when I was up in Ohio.

Mom will also be late for Natalie's birthday. I'm not surprised. She does this frequently, and quite frankly, it gets on my nerves. I think Dad will be late, also.

Just a card, grandparents. That's all. Let her know you are thinking of her.

Not a creature was stirring,

2008-04-08T08:36:00.004-05:00

The kids are still asleep at 8:34 am.

It's making me wary. I catch myself giving the hallway the stink eye, expecting them to come hurtling through there screaming any second.

I've actually had a morning to myself. I was able to eat breakfast, and read my emails before it got chaotic. In the mornings, normally I feed them first, then nurse Marissa as they eat. After I'm done nursing Marissa, it's time to clean up their mess in the kitchen.

The cycle continues, and I forget to eat some days. Not healthy.

I'm trying to watch what I eat (I'm 5'2'' and 118lbs) not to lose weight, but not to gain. I haven't walked in a week and a half, or done any ab exercises. I know! Horrible. If I want my tummy to somewhat resemble my pre-kids one, I've got to work on it.

So, you heard it hear first. I will work on my tummy, every day. To tone it up.

Want proof? I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm posting a picture. I'll use it as my "before" photo, and post a new one, once a week so you can see my work in progress.

Yes, I have stretch marks - but the lines are from where I slept. I look disheveled!

Eek!

Uninvited guest...

2008-04-07T17:17:00.001-05:00

has taken up residence right outside our front door.

The First Step

2008-04-07T11:50:00.003-05:00

I've slowly begun to speak my concerns about Dylan to family, and friends over the possibility of Autism, or a sensory issue.

I've been warring with myself for the past few months over his quirky habits, trying to reason with myself as to why he would do some of the things he's been doing. These oddities of his have won me over - and after speaking with a OL person who's experienced Autism with her own son... I decided to make the phone call to my local Early Childhood Intervention program.

They called me today, and asked me what has been going on with him. I explained, and she said she wants to meet him this week. So, Friday, the 11th, at 2:30pm is the first step.

I have a myriad of feelings right now. Relief, anxiety, calm, sadness.

But most importantly love.

The only thing I can't explain right now is the tears in my eyes, as the little guy sits in my lap with his blankets, arms wrapped around my chest, and head on my shoulder.

He's got a nice temple for kisses, and he smells like my son.

That didn't last long.

2008-04-06T19:32:00.003-05:00

Sigh. Kenny had been 24 hours without a smoke. I really wasn't getting my hopes up, even though he said his chest had hurt when he smoked. He knows how much I dislike smoking, but I don't hound him about it.

Matter of fact, my Nan-Nan passed away due to lung cancer. She had only quit smoking when she was diagnosed with it. She didn't tell anyone what was going on. We didn't figure out what was up until she landed in the hospital and never left.

I don't want to lose Kenny that way. I don't want our children to experience that.

We had a nice dinner, bathed the kids, and he dressed them, saying he was going to go get the kids a treat. He went and got cigs. When he got back, I just... knew. I asked and the silence was thick.

I feel like he's having a sordid affair with smoking. Why does he feel like he had to sneak? I haven't hounded him about it, at all.

I'm pretty bummed. I don't know what to say to him.

Letters from Mom.

2008-04-06T17:01:00.003-05:00

The end result of the letters I picked up for Natalie. Hey, they're not like some of the ones people make on eBay (have you seen them? They're really good!), but they were made with love.

I smell like a pina colada!

2008-04-06T09:46:00.002-05:00

I've always enjoyed the scent of pineapple and coconut. So much, in fact - I own several things ranging from candles, to room spray, to bath/body items.

They say scents correlate with a person's chemistry - does that make me exotic? Or just beach bound? I don't look exotic (actually, I'm the very typical "Black Irish"), so I must be beach bound. Let's hope so!

Back to the subject at hand, I've been using Virgin Coconut Oil on my hair and face lately. I have to say I'm impressed. I *LOVE* it.

I rub some into my face every night. I get these annoying, tiny bumps on my forehead, and my forehead is smooth. It's help my skin. It's moisturized, it feels soft, it looks healthy! You'd think since it was oil, it'd break me out even more, and leave me with a nasty sheen. Not the case.

I apply it at night, and it absorbs over night. If, for whatever reason, there's a trace of oil left - I just wash it off.

As for my hair, I apply it all over. Coconut Oil is a liquid at 76*F, so it's easy to smooth throughout your hair. I tie my hair up in a bun, throw a towel on my pillow, and leave it on over night. In the morning, I wash it with shampoo twice. It rinses out really well (better than olive oil and almond oil) and leaves me hair very shiny and soft.

I've also read you can ingest it, and it helps with your metabolism. It's such a neat oil, and has many uses. I just had to share my own good luck with it! I suggest you try it if you've been thinking about it.

It turned out to be a beautiful day.

2008-04-05T19:09:00.004-05:00

The sun did decide to make it's much awaited appearance, after noon. All in all, it was a beautiful day.

We took a trip to the store to pick up a few things, and to place an order for Natalie's nirthday cake. Hey, just because we know no-one with chidren doesn't mean we [and family] can't throw her a party.

I'm having them make a "beach and ocean" cake, and I bought some small Ariel pieces to put upon the cake. So far, she's gotten a brand new bed set for her room to match her "garden" theme. We also got her some add-ons for her doll house, two new games for her VTech and Leapster, some flash cards, and I also picked up some wooden letters and paint to make a special gift for her.

Kenny's decided he's going to quit smoking, because when he smoked this morning, he said his chest hurt. I hope he sticks with it this time. I really do. We bought him quite a few things to munch on, as it seems to help him. He's lean, so he can munch away. Boy, he makes me jealous with his metabolisml

Marissa had on the cutest Gymboree outfit today. I'm not sure of the name of the line, but we got so many compliments. Pictures of our day!

It was supposed to be sunny!

2008-04-05T09:17:00.009-05:00

Argh. I woke up to clouds, and it's also pretty cool outside. It stormed yesterday, knocking my power out and cable out.

I swear, though - if it sprinkles, the power/cable goes out. If the wind blows more than 5+ mph, the power and cable goes out. This small town needs a electronic and cable rehaul. It's horrible. Our power and cable goes out a couple times a week, no lie.

Anywho. I thought I'd go outside and get some shots of the rain on the grass.
The macro close-ups soften the image a little, but I'll survive until I can get my 85mm!

New Gymbo Line

2008-04-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

I'm [window] addicted to Gymboree. I hardly ever buy from there, because the stuff is so expensive, but dammit - it sure is cute! Check out their up and coming line here.

I love the crabbie stuff for the boys, and the rompers for Marissa. Too bad we're holding tight onto money right now as we continue to try and save for our move back to NC. Bah.

Edited to add: Scratch saving (don't tell Kenny, eep!). I just bid on a couple lots on eBay, for Gymboree. Hopefully I'll win one. Marissa DOES need some clothes, though. So for this once I'm excused.

Confessions of a CFHusband

2008-04-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

Some of you may already know I've been following this story for quite some time (I was originally introduced to the blog by his sister in law).

It's about Nate, his wife Tricia and their baby, Gwyneth Rose. Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and had been preparing for a double lung transplant until they discovered they were pregnant. Gwyneth was born very early (15+weeks early) and Tricia WAS on the transplant list.

Tricia just received a lung transplant on the 2nd, on Nate's birthday no less. His blog has encouraged me to become a organ donor, which I implore other's to give some thought to.

I just wanted to share their great story. Please send good vibes and prayers their way, as they'll need them in Tricia's recovery period. Thanks!

I want coffee... spiked with lots of liquor.

2008-04-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

You know those v8 commercials where they thump ya on the head? Is it so bad I want to do that to the kids sometimes, and tell them to, "KNOCK IT OFF!"? I haven't done it, I'm jus' sayin', is all.

We have our good and bad days, and today was a "Oh my fucking god, I needed a padded room, stat!" days. They really didn't want to listen. Our power went out for a few hours, right as they woke up from nap-time.

Outfuckingstanding. So boredom kicks in. I attempted coloring time. Screw that. They knew what was going on (ok, maybe they didn't) but all I know is they had one thing on their mind, and that was seeing how fast they could destroy a clean house.

Well, if you're curious, they did it pretty damn fast, and they did a thorough job.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to have patience with them. A lot of the things they do I feel they should know better. I feel like they spend half the day in time-out (hey, it's better than spanking) but I don't know what else to do.

I've thought about taking toys away, but I'm not sure they'd grab that concept all too well. I mean, Natalie would throw a bloody fit if I took her Leapster away, but then she'd forget about it and move on to another toy.

They said the two's were hard, but I learned three's are where they drive you absolutely fucking crazy. I'm hoping 4 is better, but I'm getting the feeling it ain't gonna look up much. Natalie is just too independent, mischevious, hard-headed - ok, we'll stop there, because I could just go ON and on about that girl.

Dylan's the middle kid, or as Kenny likes to put it, "the one who will always get left out". Whatever. I won't allow that to happen. He's very sweet, and he's quirky. He's also very sensitive. And whines a lot. I hear that's common in boys.

And Marissa. Ahh, what a joy she is. From the get-go she was very different from Natalie and Dylan. SHE DIDN'T HAVE COLIC. While pregnant with her, I can remember crying and praying to the Gods, for her not to have colic. I knew I couldn't handle it again, not after Dylan and PPD.

You want to talk about crazy? I was it. I can't even talk about it.

Back to the subject at hand. Marissa's a VERY happy baby. She loves her mommy ('cause I've got the breasts, yo) and Daddy. She's got the prettiest blue eyes. I'll proudly lay claim that's all my doing.

So, there you have it. You've touched upon a slight taste of me and mine.

My zoo.

The beginning of something... good?

2008-04-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

I know I must look pretty stern sitting here frowning at the monitor, and typing this - which is why I'm thankful no one's about right now.

I'd most likely get a bewildered look from Kenny as to why I appear so serious. Blogging is serious business, don'tcha know. I'm telling myself that I'll make this a daily habit, perhaps even SEVERAL times a day. It'll give me a place to escape. It'll give me a place to share my thoughts, photography, trials, vents, enjoyments, goals - you name it! I mean e v e r y thing.

I also think it'll be neat to be able to look back on my older posts, a year or so from now. Ok, who am I kidding? I can barely recall things from two days ago. Really, this is to help me remember day to day things, too.

I've begun the setting up of the blog, and I think I'm happy with how it looks so far. Perhaps as I get more serious with it, I'll change a few thins.

A few warnings:

I will most likely being using the occasional swear word.
I sometimes use netspeak. I also use words like gimme, gonna, prolly, shoulda, woulda, coulda, and ya'll.
I'll talk about mature things.
Sometimes I will ramble.
Sometimes I will brag.
More often than not, I'll prolly vent.
I will post pictures.
I will talk about my kids and husband... a lot.
I have a WEIRD sense of humor. You'll see.

If any of these things make you shudder, or isn't the sort of thing you are interested in - oh, well. can't please the whole world, can we? I would love to hear your comments, though.

So here I grow. Enjoy the storm.